Holding Myself Accountable

I have come to the point that I know, without a doubt, that I need to change. I have no energy. I crave sugar all of the time, no matter how much sleep I have, I always want more. I look into the mirror and I don't see myself. 

I'm not just talking about weight. I need to open myself up and let the whole "me" come through. I am tense all of the time. Part of that is that I am a full-time stay-at-home mom. Yes, my almost-three-year-old is mostly good, intelligent, creative, and constantly surprises me. As I write, she explores a balloon with her mouth and *POP!* My life is filled with surprises right now. I was not a girl who liked surprises. Planned spontaneity? Is that a thing?

So, I just typed into the Google search bar, "I want to change my life. How do I start?" The first link was to this wonderful article in Forbes, called "Do You Want To Change Your Life For The Better? 7 Ways To Make It A Habit.*"

The first step is to identify my Keystone Habit- the one that I want to start/stop. The biggie. So, what am I most unhappy with?

Well, the answer obviously is "my size!" It isn't for social normality that I pine. I can feel my back fat. My breasts hurt when I run, even double-bra'd. My hip goes out more and more often. I have some really, really cute clothes that I would love to wear. Mostly, I want to see who I believe I am looking back at me in the bathroom mirror. Without makeup. 

Now that I have identified my problem, let's think about the one thing we could change to get the most effect. The thing that I'm doing least of. I don't exercise. I like yoga a lot. I enjoy walking. But I never do these things. I have sex occasionally. My husband and I have very little time alone together so we generally have sex once a week or so. Not bad for a couple who has been married 6- or is it 7- years now?

My Keystone Habit would be to exercise every day, one way or another. To make exercise a priority in my life. Suggested waking up at 6:30am-ish to exercise before babygirl wakes.

It is hard to think of the idea of adding another priority. I want to make my husband and his happiness a priority. I ache to see his smile. Yeah, corny, cheesy, awful. I love it. I wouldn't have it any other way. Unfortunately, I can't do as much of that as I want. My other priorities get in the way.

My second priority- which is actually my first priority- is my daughter. She's the one that I'm with almost 24/7. She's the one that needs me the most. She's the little, drunk, adult foreign-exchange student that I am teaching our language and customs, while trying to instill values and principle in her tiny, almost 3-year-old noggin- all via co-mom anecdotes and trial and error. Hopefully, I am doing ok. I'm trying my best and that's all anyone can do, right?


My third priority- people keep telling me that this should be my first priority- is allegedly me. I don't know what to do about that. I don't know in which order this should all really go. I feel guilty about making myself a priority at all. Unfortunately, after several days of selflessness, this little introvert needs to bury herself in a book. Or a blog. Right now, I should be upstairs doing the dishes and bathroom, at least one load of laundry. It's getting late. I would normally do things during the day. But this last week or so, I'm just exhausted. Not really physically, but emotionally. Because of that, I'm shirking all of my responsibilities. I'm not being the best me. I want to be the best me. 

What do I do about this? I'm totally confused. 

So, let's push that all away for now. Let's focus on some exercise habits that I would like to enact. The second step is to identify my current routine and the reward I get from it. My current routine: wake up, make coffee, breakfast for babygirl, do whatever she wants to do until noon so that she stays quiet and my husband can get at least 6 hours of sleep before I lose myself to impatience and wake him if he isn't already awake- usually about noon:15. After that, I try and cram in as much "in the same room" time, cuddle time, or quality time as second breakfast and my darling daughter will allow. I'm supposed to make food for second breakfast (breakfast for him), and lunch/dinner. OK. 

After 3, I try and fill the time with more of whatever my daughter wants to do until 7pm. Hopefully, in that time, I will have launched at least one load of laundry and done some random household chores. If not, I'll have to cram as much in between 8pm and midnight as I can. And that's if I'm lucky enough to get her to sleep by 8. No nap. *sigh*

So, looking at that, I see some problems with my grab-bag day. Again, a mental tangle. But do I have to tackle it now? I think that I'm just going to focus on one thing- THE thing that I want to change the most. Creating healthy exercise habits. Let's say this again, with emphasis: Creating Healthy Exercise Habits. 

Identifying the rewards of my current behavior. 

• I don't have to get up earlier than my daughter, so more sleep. 
• I am flexible with my daughter's schedule, so fewer meltdowns. 
• Aaaand... that's all I can think of right now.

Identifying the rewards of enacting this new behavior:

• More energy for every day.
• Fitting into my "cute" clothes.
• Feeling better. Feeling much better.
• Seeing my self in my reflection. Without makeup. 
• Re-regulating my hormones. 
• Better sleep at night.

I'm sure there are a lot more but I think that I have enough for now. 

The third step is to identify the challenges. 

• My biggest challenge is actually being awake at 6:30am without waking my honey-bunny and my little girl. I know that I will shortly get used to waking that early, but sometimes (a lot of the time) my daughter co-sleeps. I have to shave hours off of my evening time and try to be more productive during the day in order to get up earlier. And I need some sort of gentle alarm. Out-of-commission cell phone so that I don't get calls during the night?
• So, I guess that my daughter waking up early,
• an unobtrusive alarm, 
• and finishing chores early are among the rest of my challenges. 

Now that they are listed, they don't seem so bad. Not too hard. Sometimes, all you need to do is list them, I guess. Cathartic. Soothing, after a fashion.

Next, I plan my new routine and claim my reward. OK, so new routine:

1. Be in bed by 10pm.
2. Use alarm to wake me at 6:30. OK, realistically 6:15am. Or maybe even 6. I need time to wake up before I exercise. 
3. Exercise of my choice: yoga, pilates, HIIT, etc. 
4. Greet babygirl with a smile on my face as she stumbles bleary-eyed, yet smiling, into my workout space. 
5. Make coffee.
6. Proceed almost as per usual, for now. Rescheduling day for more optimum living to follow as I see how this works. 

And to pinpoint the reward...? "Yes" to being comfortable in my really cute clothes from pre-aimless me. "Yes" to seeing me when I look in the mirror. "Yes" to having energy. "Yes" to blah, blah, blah... Etc. 

Next step: Set up a 30-day challenge. 

OK. Starting tomorrow, 30-day challenge. I can't guarantee that I'll blog about it every day, but I might. I should. I need some encouragement. I need someone to hold me accountable. 

Maybe that someone should be me.

Number 6 is to power through setbacks. Don't let things get in the way. Easy to say. Harder to remember. I will remember.

Finally, I need to hold myself publicly accountable. I'm starting here. I could post it on facebook but people rarely care what others' weight goals are. I also don't want every convo with my female friends to involve the cliche, "You look good! Have you lost weight?" You have no idea how much I loathe that. That, and the unnecessary high-pitched squealing that accompanies the perfectly expressive hugs. Hugs are fantastic. Why accompany them with annoying sounds? And false compliments have to go. They do more harm than good. Promise. 

I love you, baby. Kisses. 

So, Adam. I know that it is a hard thing to hang all your accountability on one person, but he is the only person that I can guarantee will care enough about and remember to support me. I just hope that I haven't burned him with the lack of follow-through in the last few appointments. 

So... 30 day challenge. Do I just decide what I want for exercise in the morning? Yeah. I think that is what I will have to do. 

Sayonara for tonight. I'll see you in the morning. :)

*http://www.forbes.com/sites/jennifercohen/2013/09/11/do-you-want-to-change-your-life-for-the-better-7-ways-to-make-it-a-habit/

Changing Directions

After my last couple of posts, I've decided that I need to change the direction that my blog intended to go. I will still have some DIY going on, but I've decided to show you a slice of my life, my real life.


You see, I'm a writer. An honest-to-deity*, dyed-in-the-wool writer. You see, I've been reading since I could crawl- no lie. Just ask my mother. I have had a passion for words ever since I wrote my first book (10 pages) in first grade. It was entitled "The Wierd King." Yes, I am aware that I spelled it wrong. Give me a break. The book was written in crayon on construction paper.

I read to escape when I was teased in elementary school for being slightly overweight. My passion for writing extended in junior high with free writes and the license to be creative. I wrote my way through high school. I wrote my way through college, finding an intense passion for writing plays and research papers. Yes, research papers.

I decided to be a theatre major, English minor; a playwright. I wrote plays that I never attempted to publish. I wrote research papers that teachers tried to convince me to publish. Why did I not seek publication? Maybe it was a fear of success, maybe a fear of failure, but whatever it was, it was crippling.

Yes, I have written some awful things. I have some ridiculous angsy poetry from my teenage- and not-so-teenage years. I mean awful. Broken hearts and unrequited love. Using and being used. I mean, I have some passable poetry, too. You know, most of my passable poetry includes at least one food analogy. Hm. Freud, what does that say about me?

Speaking of Freud, do you know that his grandson was a German-born, British painter? Well, he didn't necessarily paint the British but... his works are extremely interesting. They're mostly headshots and nudes. He found beauty in exposing ugliness to a world used to promoting only beauty. Here's the wiki-link: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Lucian_Freud

Can you guess who this is?

Woman with Arm Tattoo

I think that the charcoal rendering is actually very beautiful.

Writing is my therapy. This will be my therapy. You will find both ugliness and beauty in this, in me. I wonder which you will choose to see...




*Insert your deity here. Everyone has beliefs. I believe that everyone should be able to have them.

Self-Image And Its Effect On My Life

I've been struggling lately with my self-image. The person that I see in my mind is very different than the person that I see in photographs. I rarely look in the mirror but I have a lovely face- beautiful eyes, clear skin, shiny, healthy hair. I also rarely wear makeup because I have sensitive skin and break out with makeup. Not dirt. I don't break out when I've been playing in the dust.

The person in photographs is a very different animal. In photographs, I always see a dumpy housewife with no sense of style (which isn't true. I have a lot of style, just none of it in my size), poor posture, and lots of baby weight.

There are some things that I know about myself.

• If I formulate a plan and follow through, I can do anything that I desire. 
• I am a naturally beautiful person, inside and out.
• I aspire to lift others up because I know that they will lift me up.
• I never, ever give false compliments. Ever.
• And I have never, until now, worried about my weight. Whatever my weight was, it was fine.

What brings about this change in me suddenly? Was it a change in society? No. I've never been one for the popular view. Was it a change in how I am viewed by my friends and family? No. They tell me I'm beautiful, whatever my weight. And mean it. Was it my husband? No. He's my most adamant supporter. 

It was me. All me. I keep seeing myself in photographs and I know that I am not my best. Physically, I'm not even close to my best. If it were just one or two candid photographs, I could dismiss them and not worry. But posed, happy, and beautiful pictures still reveal this alien person that I don't believe I am. It doesn't make them any less happy but it shows me someone who isn't even nearly close to me. I want people to see the image that's in my mind, not the image that is in the photographs. 

In my mind, I look like this:

Not bad, eh? Yes, the red dress is my wedding day. I know that people shouldn't expect to look like their wedding day again but I started gaining weight almost immediately after I got married. When I got pregnant, I gained a whole bunch of weight.

I got rid of 30 lbs doing the Whole 30 and completely changed my outlook on food. Now, I don't eat processed anything. ANYTHING. Candy tastes gross to me. I'd rather reach for an apple than a sugary treat.

But that's all well and good. I don't eat according to the Whole 30 every day. I eat more like a modified Paleo. Well, plus potatoes. My family eats potatoes. Organic potatoes, but still potatoes.

And I'm back to my chubby, dumpy self. I'm not grossly overweight but the doctors tell me that I'm obese.

Exercise has never been my thing. When I say exercise, I mean jogging, weight-lifting, aerobics, and crossfit haven't been my thing. Walking is my thing. Yoga is my thing. Swimming and dancing are totally me. Why don't I do these things, then? Because I have an almost 3-year-old.

But since she's almost 3, it means that I can start doing some of these things again very soon. She loves to walk, so we can get out and about for about 2 miles a day, max. She still tries to sit on my head during yoga, or climbs me in downward dog. I've tried getting her to do yoga with me, but no. Swimming? Yes, I love to swim. Swimming with her is basically walking around while she practices swimming. I'm allowed to put her into next-level swimming lessons when she hits 3 in December.

OK. Enough about what I can't do. I need to formulate a plan of action and follow-through. That's what this post is about.

Proposed plan of action?

• Get back on the Whole 30. 
• Find time for yoga amid the rest of life's challenges, if only for 15 minutes at night. It's a start and it will help with my posture. 
• Walk at least 3 times a week. If I set a light goal I won't try to pixie out of it. it's a very reasonable goal. 
• Dance. Just dance. Have fun. Turn the music on while doing dishes. Dance with my daughter. Dance poorly but with all of my heart. Dance while walking. 

These things are small goals. This is a place to start. I want to see this smile again when I look into the mirror:

October, 2012

October 2011, still pregnant

October 2010, BiZi Farms pumpkin patch

December 2011, Ariadne's 1st birthday party

See? I'm still beautiful. I'm just not the best version of me. These are mostly pictures of my face. I'm very satisfied with my face. I generally just wear mascara. 

October is a time of new beginnings for me. Here's to new beginnings. 

More DIYs soon. I am making Halloween costumes that are absolutely adorable! I'll take pictures and do the tutorial from here on out.

Thanks for reading. Positive comments and honest criticism are welcome. I'll just delete the counterproductively negative comments. Ain't nobody got time for negativity. 

Sunset Window Quilts

My daughter's room was cold, so I made some beautiful window quilts for her windows. Our house was built in 1951 and the heating system has never been updated. We installed new, insulated windows in her room last summer but they aren't quite enough. Plus, she gets a lot of light pollution at night from the headlights of the street that we abut, even with curtains, so I needed something thicker yet aesthetically pleasing.

 I absolutely love color, so I went for a sunset pattern that I found on Craftsy- totally worth a membership- and altered it to fit my specifications. The pattern link is here.

I didn't buy any new fabric for this quilt. It is made up entirely of scraps from previous projects, a pair of black corduroy pants, and a Value Village pillowcase for $1. Ok, so I guess that I bought a dollar's worth of "new" fabric but it was used, just new to me.

The black of the night sky was from a pair of corduroy pants that I had intended to alter and wear about 5 years ago, but never got around to. The deep red was left over from making a friend's apron that I still haven't gotten to her. I will probably post photos of its construction in a later post. I have a lot of DIY to catch up on and a lot of projects to begin.

The pink was from an unfinished quilt that my mom started when I was 14 and she never finished.The orange was the African-themed pillowcase that I bought at Value Village, or Village des Valeurs, if you want to be a little posh. The yellow, light green and blue were scraps leftover from the baby quilt that I made my daughter- the first quilt that I had ever had a pattern for. The dark green was repurposed from a pair of curtains that I made about 10 years ago that no longer go with anything in the house. They were a very pretty watercolor forest green. I'm a little less Bohemian now than I was then, though. Not by much.

I intended to make a Moulin Rouge-esque can can skirt out of the brilliant red, but never found a pattern that I liked. I had already cut it into 5" strips, so that was useful. The brown of the binding was left over from a Halloween costume that I made for my husband- Robin Hood- a couple of years ago. I bought it, again, at Value Village and had a lot left over.

For my relatively standard windows, I altered the picture portion of the quilt to 52.5"x 38", with a 5" wide border strip. Honestly, I'm pretty slapdash, so what I really did was sew all of my fabric strips together and then hold it up to the window to see if it fit. It was a little bit uneven, so if you're more precise than me, you probably don't need a 5" border. I like to wing it, but I have a lot of experience "winging it." Do not try this at home. Or do.

 Sorry that I don't have pictures for these steps but life was pretty hectic and I completely forgot about my blog. See? Slapdash.

I made two of these window quilts because my daughter has two windows in her bedroom. I just flipped the second one so that they weren't *exactly* the same. See?

Anyway, cut the main strips to your dimensions. I added extra strips on the top and bottom to make sure that I had the length that I needed without sacrificing the design. The applique comes next. I backed mine with interfacing, and zig-zag stitched it to the background.

I think that I shouldn't share for free someone else's property,  so I will just give you a link to the original pattern (here) and tell you what I did differently.

I think that I added two extra strips to the top and one extra to the bottom. I figured that it would be neat to have the deep dark of the night sky at the top, so I added the black corduroy and as the very last step, glued on some jewels with Aleene's Tacky Glue, used a fine mist of spray adhesive on the rest of the corduroy, and sprinkled silver glitter sparingly. I then sealed it with another light spray of adhesive spray. It really isn't dryer safe, though, so don't use it on a regular sleeping quilt. If you want sparkles on a regular quilt, it is better to sew them on securely.

I then added the borders according to the pattern. Quilting comes next. An old flannel sheet made the backing, so I put that down first, right side out. Next came the batting. Then comes the quilt. I painstakingly (ha!) smoothed out the wrinkles with my hands.

Let me just take a moment to say that the keys to a beautiful finished piece are measuring and ironing. Unfortunately, I still haven't learned so my finished pieces are less than perfect. I still love them. I take more care with them than I seem to,  I promise. The flaws are my signature.

 Here's a picture of the backing and batting cut to size. I learned afterward that you are supposed to keep the backing a little bit larger than the main piece, just in case it shifts during sewing. Good thing that flannel is kind of stretchy, huh?

Now is when I sewed the backing and batting on. I quilted it by just doing the stitch-in-the-ditch, the technique of sewing in the grooves left by the existing seams. If you have ironed the seams open, unlike me, this should be a piece of cake. Just in case, use thread that blends in.

Next comes the binding. I used this amazing tutorial by the Missouri Quilt Company. I whip-stitched the binding to the back, then applied the stars.

I took about a two-foot long piece of ribbon, cut it in half at an angle, and blanket stitched it to the top so that I had Roman-style blind tiebacks.

I also considered other options but decided that what I wanted would be too bulky for this no-sew Roman blind tutorial. Here is an amazing tutorial about how to convert your horizontal blinds into Roman blinds without any sewing, for those who are averse to machine sewing and have horizontal blinds that they don't know what to do with. I am all about repurposing.

Anyway, now I'm done! If you wanted to, you could add a rod pocket to the back for a curtain rod, just take about a 4-inch wide piece of fabric two inches shorter in length than the width of your finished product, hem the short ends and bottom, sew the bottom of the fabric 2 inches below the top edge of your quilt, and then tuck the top under the binding when you sew the binding onto the quilt. Easy-peasy!

Anyway, most future tutorials coming should have more pictures, but I still have to catch up on blogging the things that I have half-finished; the Celtic-themed "stained glass window, Celtic knots on the kitchen table, knitting squares for my sister-in-law's photography business (Too Sweet Photography in Coos Bay, OR), crocheted alligator-pattern slippers for a friend, landscaping my whole backyard, including planting a large garden, hops, and a bush fence.

Anyway, I hope you had fun and happy crafting!

List for Life

I have so many projects that I don't know where to start. Perhaps I should just list them and check them off when I finish, blogging about my successes?

I am just about finished with my daughter's window quilts, made to insulate her bedroom windows against both the cold of the NW winter and the heat of the summer. We live in a pretty temperate zone, but a 2-year-old is best kept in a temperature-controlled environment.

I'm also finishing up 14"x14" knitted squares for my sister-in-law's newborn photography business. I have alligator slippers that I'm in the middle of crocheting for a friend, and then I have an unfinished apron for a friend. I have a single pane window that I'm painting with stained glass paint to put on the outside of the other single-pane in the garage- kind of a storm window. I'm staining Celtic knots on my kitchen table so that it loosely matches the beautiful benches. I should take pictures and blog those even though I'm half-finished, huh?

I am trying to get my household on a mostly paleo diet, switching to alkaline water, and trying my bestest  to combat the candidiasis raging through my body. Gross, huh? Apple cider vinegar is helping a lot, but that's a post for another time.

We have game night every Wednesday.

I'm also going to start my seeds for the spring, work on composting, thinking of building a worm bin for under my kitchen counter, and trying to do all of this on the SMALLEST budget possible. I have RAGING Pinterest habit- so much so that they keep thinking that my account has been hacked and insisting that I change my password several times in the last month.

I should list the projects that I plan on doing, those that I have done recently, and those that are fever dreams.

Here are the projects that I plan on doing "immediately:"

• Create door for master bedroom- planning on making the warped wooden front door into a slider
• Fire pit- recently "finished" in the backyard. Final touches needed.
• Benches for Thanksgiving: My husband did such a wonderful job! They still need a little bit of work.
• ROCKET STOVE!- We need one before next fall. It will pay for itself.
• Modify shelving for the craft room
• Turn dresser into open-shelf fabric storage
• Turn drawers into cat/doll beds
• More bookshelves for master bedroom
• Create a bathroom for the Man Cave
• Create bar for the Man Cave
• Build fruit fly-proof cabinet for open air fruit
• Build front-facing bookshelves for Aria's bedroom
• Remove micro hood- We never use the microwave. Might as well Craigslist it, right?
• Build and install teacup light fixture over stove
• Build lawn furniture- pallet benches, folding chairs, hammock stand
• Electrical outlets EVERYWHERE- We need to update and ground the electricity in the whole house.
• Insulate the roof- We have no insulation anywhere.
• Bench for massage room- Built and beautiful
• Shelves for bookcase in Man Cave
• Cabinet drawers for pots
• Move ceiling fan from upstairs bedroom to kitchen nook
• Dresser/shelves/bins for bedroom
• Storage for canned food
• Possible indoor hydroponic system this coming winter
• Mushroom bins indoors
• Bean bag game for outside
• Bee home
• Tree swing
• Fix up old file cabinet
• Teacup chandelier for over kitchen table
• Teacup lights for over sink
• Climbing grips for tree 
• Greenhouse for raised garden bed
• Barbecue/smoker
• Pallet cooler
• Pallet window boxes
• Strawberry gutters/boxes
• Lettuce balls
• De-moss roof
• Touch up paint in massage room
• Sand and stain new window casings
• Paint strip on Aria's wall
• Paint a summer sky on her ceiling
• Paint bird silhouettes on her walls
• Make penny floor for main bathroom
• Make paper bag floor for craft area and kitchen, possibly master BR
• Second coat of paint on kitchen walls
• Stencil bee on paper bag floor in kitchen
• Doorway storage shelves
• Screw down plywood in craft room so that it doesn't squeak so heinously. 
• Maybe pallet wood floor in bedroom- I found a beautiful example
• Pedestal sink in bathroom? I need a narrower sink.
• Strip and stain kitchen cabinets
• Wine bottle cups
• Wine bottle tikis
• Wine bottle wind chime
• Liquor bottle cutting board
• Wifi extender
• Paving stone patio with mother of thyme
• Apron for Michelle
• Cat bed from drawer
• Doll bed from drawer
• Slippers for Sabrina
• Remaining window quilt for Aria
• Window quilts for MBR
• Window quilts for massage room
• Moss bath mat from paving stone frame
• Tea cupboard extensions- Making the special shelves on the cupboard drawers so my tea is more easily reached
• Christmas ornaments
• Easter bunny puppets
• Window picture mosaic
• Single sock board
• Jean picnic blanket
• Jean flip flops
• Pop science duck in bathroom
• Ba + H on bathroom door
• Tree for Aria's room
• Firestarters
• Soap
• Reupholster kitchen chairs
• Face cradle covers and sheets
• Meditation pool, rocket-heated bathhouse

And more, but that's all that I've got for now. You can see pictures of the ideas on my Pinterest, and I will start posting my finished product on there, too.


Have a lovely evening!

Introspection in Digital

I used to write- plays, poetry, short stories, analytical essays. Somewhere along the line, I stopped. Just stopped. No tapering, no slowing to a trickle- just stopped.

I used to have an online diary in which I would chronicle my most mundane of data. The petty, small-minded, drama-seeking trash-pot in which I deposited my negative emotions in an effort to purge myself and start fresh. I stopped that, too.

Was it that I found no need to express myself through writing, anymore? Did I have nothing to write about? Where did my muse go?

It seems like I have nothing to write about when I have no conflict in my life. Readers, would anyone watch a play about a suburban housewife battling to find the best bread recipe or charging blindly into crafts, her faithful husband and beautiful baby as near-constant companions? Maybe you would. Maybe I would.

I had some vague dreams when I was younger- fuzzy life goals. I wanted to become a wonderful songstress and harmonize perfectly every time. I wanted to learn French and play guitar. I wanted to find love and happiness. Writing wasn't a goal, it was a given. Writing seemed as essential to me as breathing.

I have lost my voice. I haven't learned French or taken up the guitar. I DID find love. I found great happiness. Instead of the sprawling scrawl of my pen, my daughter's babbling accompanies the clickety-clack of my keyboard. And my husband? He cares for me possibly more than for himself. I am happy.

Writing must be like water. It will fit in the cracks left after the large- and medium-sized life events. I cannot promise to write a page here on a regular basis. The best that I can do is promise that I will come here to relax. I will come to converse with you in the safe silence that this blank canvas will provide. Perhaps I'll write poetry, plays, short stories. Maybe I'll chronicle some of the many projects that I have undertaken since last I have written. I don't know.

I do know that I will continue chasing my paradise with my beautiful little family. And that's all I can do.

The World in Review

It has been a long time since I have been on here. Life has been busy, to say the least. My husband got a job promotion, my daughter is getting her first tooth, and we are all getting a house! Alright, let's rewind a little bit and I will tell you how:

We have been living in this apartment for almost four years, now. We've been here as our neighbors have come and gone. We have enjoyed the cherry blossoms off of our second-story back porch every spring. We have gone through a few gentle snows and a lot of icy mornings, rain and thunder. The kitchen is large, we have gas heat, and we are sandwiched between two apartments, making for cozy winters. Our cats are a little bit sad, being only able to roam on the back porch, but I've attempted several times to have an apartment garden, watching my failures with the hope that NEXT TIME I will get it right. We have made this place a home.

We live in a federally-owned apartment complex, but we are not getting rent assistance. I told you about how my husband got a promotion. We were told by the last apartment managers that we wouldn't have to come back in for financial evaluations any more, that we were secure in our living status. Well, we have new management and they didn't get that memo.

We got the notice at the beginning of the month-a financial review. Adam and I both freaked out, expecting to have to vacate in 30 days, knowing that we have no money for an application fee in another apartment complex. The rent has jumped dramatically since we moved in. We got in toward the beginning of the recession. We were lucky- our rent has been static this whole time. After receiving the notice, we immediately started looking for a house.

My mother has been so fantastic and supportive. I told her our predicament and she promised to give us the down if we couldn't get it any other way. I'm looking into first-time home buyer down payment assistance (wow, that's a mouthful!), but I haven't been able to find anything that fits our situation, yet. Maybe I should ask my uncle Stan if he has any ideas...

We got several real estate agents on the job, explaining to them all our predicament, hoping that we would take priority with one of them. At the first house we looked, the real estate agent was very on top of it. She took us through the entire house, showing us both the features and the defects of the house. She was so wonderful that we decided to work exclusively with her.

Later that week, I gave her a list of houses that we would like to visit. We had 6 houses on the list. We plowed through them with focus and determination, noting the good things and the things that would need to be fixed. Usually, there was more that needed to be fixed in our price range than not. One house stank so badly of dog and urine that we would have had to tear up all of the carpet, paint the floor and walls with exterior paint, and pray to God that the rest of the house was sound.

We were not thrilled, but still determined at our 6th and last house. We both went through it singly because Ariadne was asleep, and neither one of us was optimistic.

The house next to it was for sale, too. It looked really nice from the outside, and I thought that there was no way that it could be in our price range, but we decided to look at it anyway. Adam went through first. He came out with a beatific look on his face and said, "I like this one." I knew that this was it, and hoped against hope that it was in our price range.

Ariadne had awoken, so we all toured the house together. Wood floors, two bedrooms and a loft, gas heat and stove, full basement, beautiful back yard. The maple trees were so tall and elegant that I immediately was sold. I thought, "This is a backyard that my daughter can play in." The wind blew in soft gusts and the maples whispered in a gentle hush. I love this house.

The house was bank-owned. We put in an offer, the bank countered, we accepted. The house is now listed as 'pending!' Granted, we have to do the assessment, the inspection, and the actual payment, but we are supposed to have the contract tomorrow.

This is a forever house. This is the house that we want to raise our daughter in. This is a house that we could grow old in. This is our home before we even have the keys. I'm praying hard, hoping against hope, waiting with 'bated breath.

There's so much more that has happened in our lives and I'll tell you about it later but, until then, I will bid you adieu...